rileyturner01Jane Turner and Gina Riley (Kath and Kim) on Enough Rope with Andrew Denton

They met when they were 15. They've since become Australian icons, up there with vegemite, Hills hoists and locking little kiddies in detention centres. Their credits include 'Fast Forward', 'Big Girl's Blouse' and, of course, 'Kath and Kim'. Please welcome Gina Riley and Jane Turner.

Andrew Denton: You got a bigger cheer than me. You'll have to go now.

Gina Riley: Hello!

Andrew Denton: So glad you made it without hurting yourself. Quit while you're ahead!

Gina Riley: Yes, we're going off now. Thanks.

Jane Turner: Bye-bye.

Andrew Denton: You met when you were 15?

Gina Riley: Nup.

Jane Turner: No.

Andrew Denton: No-o-o?

Jane Turner: No.

Gina Riley: Seventeen.

Andrew Denton: Oh. I do apologise.

Jane Turner: Seventeen.

Andrew Denton: What was Gina like at 17, Jane?

Jane Turner: Um…well.

Gina Riley: Oh, here we go.

Jane Turner: Yes. No, I remember seeing Gina and she had short…a short bob.

Gina Riley: A bit like your hair now, actually.

Jane Turner: Yeah, a little bit like this. The Carol Brady — the Carol Brady look.

Andrew Denton: Yeah.

Jane Turner: Um…

Gina Riley: (Laughs)

Jane Turner: I just saw myself in the monitor and just thought I'd put my fringe down. Sorry. Um, yeah. I don't know which way to put it.


Jane Turner: Yes. Uh, no, and she was wearing…

Gina Riley: Can I do it? Because, quite frankly…

Jane Turner: Oh, it doesn't matter.

Gina Riley: No, it doesn't matter.

Jane Turner: Just leave it messy. It's the casual look.

Andrew Denton: Yes.

Jane Turner: Neat but casual.

Andrew Denton: Yes.

Jane Turner: Uh, no — and she was wearing a little tartan dress.

Andrew Denton: Mmm.

Jane Turner: And gumboots, little short gumboots.

Andrew Denton: Yes.

Jane Turner: And I just went, "Oh!" Just thought, you know, "What has she come as?!" Because we were…we were onstage and she got the lead role. And she was… And I thought, "What's so good about her? What is so good about her?" And then she sang and I went, "Oh, alright."

Gina Riley: (Laughs)

Andrew Denton: And what was Jane like when you first met her?

Gina Riley: I remember thinking, "There is this girl who looks exactly like Barbra Streisand," and then she started singing and I went, "Oh, no, she's not."

Jane Turner: Thank God.

Gina Riley: So it was fine.

Jane Turner: I don't ACT like Barbra Streisand. I can't SING like her and thankfully I don't act like her.

Gina Riley: And you don't have the nails.

Andrew Denton: No, you don't have the nails. Were…were you…? Which one of you was cool? Were you both cool or were you daggy?

Jane Turner: Um…

Gina Riley: I don't think we were really ever cool.

Andrew Denton: Oh, come on. You were cool.

Jane Turner: No, but I did think… I did think Gina was pretty cool in the gumboots. And then Karin Fairfax had the gumboots, yes, so I did have to go out and get some.

Gina Riley: You were wearing gumboots a week later, and a little tartan skirt.

Andrew Denton: Really?

Jane Turner: Yeah, I was. I went, "Yeah."

Gina Riley: You were a bit sort of… You had college…you had white sort of stockings.

Jane Turner: I was terribly Lady Di.

Gina Riley: You were very Lady Di.

Jane Turner: I was a dag.

Andrew Denton: Really?!

Jane Turner: I was a dag, yeah. I was in the jumper and the frilly collar.

Gina Riley: But you were doing law at uni. You were very smart.

Jane Turner: Yeah, I was law. Yeah — lemon jumpers and that sort of thing.

Andrew Denton: Extremely smart. Did you like each other straight away?

Jane Turner: Yes.

Gina Riley: Yes, we did.

Andrew Denton: What did you like about each other, other than the Barbra Streisand look?

Jane Turner: Um, very funny.

Gina Riley: I think sense of humour. That's like, immediately attracted…

Jane Turner: Yeah, no, Gina was, um…

Gina Riley: to each other.

Andrew Denton: And when you met each other's families, 'cause that's always… You know, when you meet your friends' families, you suddenly get a different sense of them. What was Jane's family like?

Gina Riley: Um, oh, her mother's fantastic. I think her family… I-I didn't meet many of your family.

Jane Turner: No. The big family. No, I met… Gina's lived up the road from St Martins, where we worked.

Andrew Denton: Right.

Jane Turner: So we used to go and live up there at her house.

Gina Riley: And everybody used to just come back to my place, yeah.

Jane Turner: Her mother was like Robyn Nevin.

Gina Riley: My mother was there always doing voices and going, you know…

Jane Turner: She was great.

Andrew Denton: Yeah?

Jane Turner: She had the Robin Nevin hairdo.

Gina Riley: (Laughs)

Jane Turner: Sort of white hair and…

Gina Riley: With a little grey bob.

Jane Turner: I thought they were terribly bohemian.

Andrew Denton: So can…?

Gina Riley: Jane came to my 21st.

Andrew Denton: Yes.

Gina Riley: And we were all having a great time and suddenly Jane said, "Everybody, family and friends, now, everybody out." Because she wanted to look at the presents.

Jane Turner: I wanted her to open the presents.

Gina Riley: Bossy till the last.

Jane Turner: Yes.

Andrew Denton: Oh, I see. So Jane's the…?

Gina Riley: I like to think so.

Jane Turner: No, so is she.

Andrew Denton: Was it…?

Jane Turner: (Gives thumbs down) Shh. Yeah.

Andrew Denton: So, yeah — who is in charge of the partnership, is the question.

Jane Turner: Oh, well, I'd say I'm the quietest.

Gina Riley: (Snorts) No, it's very equal.

Jane Turner: It is equal. We all have have our strengths and our weaknesses.

Andrew Denton: We'll explore that as the evening wears on.

Gina Riley: I think they're very evident, quite frankly.

Andrew Denton: You worked together for many years on 'Fast Forward' and other shows. And it was actually in 'Big Girl's Blouse' in '94 that you first came up with the idea for 'Kath and Kim'.

Gina and Jane: Mm-hm.

Andrew Denton: Now, a lot of people don't know this. What was the genesis of those two characters?

Jane Turner: Oh, well, I already sort of had a version of Kath that I'd done…actually with Glenn in 'Fast Forward'. I did a 21st speech as a sort of a mumsy character and I think he was Uncle Kel or something — I don't know who Glenn was.

Andrew Denton: Yep.

Jane Turner: So I had that character. I've only got two — that old lady and Russian, they're the two characters I do.

Gina Riley: But we had this — I remember it really clearly — I had this idea I wanted to do a hen's night. And so Jane came over early. It just happened that Magda wasn't…you know, was late that morning. And we were in my kitchen, sort of schlepping around, making a cup of tea as you do in the morning. And we just started saying, "I want to do something about a hen's night." You just started going to Kath and I was going, "Oh, no! Statewide shortage of baby's breath." And just sort of went into a bit of a…

Jane Turner: She was being a prissy-bum princess.

Gina Riley: Prissy-bum princess. And there they were born and we just never stopped talking like that from that moment.

Jane Turner: And the same… See, 'Sylvania Waters' had been on. And also 'Weddings' — that show 'Weddings' with Jane Hall. And we all thought that was groundbreaking.

Andrew Denton: Was there someone…?


Jane Turner: I loved that show. You know, following the couples through to the end result.

Andrew Denton: Yeah.

Jane Turner: That was what gave us the structure. It was sort of a bit of a parody of that.

Andrew Denton: Because there was one bride in particular, wasn't there?

Jane Turner: Yeah, she was a real little cow.

Gina Riley: (Whining voice) "I don't like it." You know, he gave her the engagement ring…

Gina and Jane: "I hate it, I hate it."

Gina Riley: She's going, "Where did you get them from?" They had the little things, you know, doing the tables? "What you got them for? Put them round the back," you know.

Jane Turner: And trying on the dress. She's looking at it going, "I hate it."

Gina Riley: "I hate it."

Jane Turner: "Look at the train, this beautiful train — I hate it."

Andrew Denton: And, of course, you've said that part of Kath comes from your mum?

Jane Turner: Oh, shh! Don't say that again. She'll kill me.

Andrew Denton: Well, I…

Jane Turner: She killed me after the Logies.

Andrew Denton: (Laughs) Oh, well. Just, just…

Jane Turner: She's not at all like that.

Andrew Denton: No, of course. But hypothetically were she, which part would be?

Jane Turner: No, there's just, sort of, phrases. She's got a very funny turn of phrase and I think I've decided what it is. She's pretty dramatic. You know, things are… There's high drama.

Andrew Denton: Right.

Jane Turner: And she takes things very seriously.

Andrew Denton: Yeah.

Jane Turner: You know, little things.

Andrew Denton: So, what sort of…?

Jane Turner: And she's got funny terms of phrase.

Andrew Denton: Such as?

Jane Turner: Like she'll say, "I'm up to 90 today," or, you know, "That's a bit rich." She's got all these funny expressions.

Gina Riley: But there is essentially a sort of Kath-and-Kimness about Jane and I and it really manifested itself when the show was cancelled. And the minute we put down the phone from the show being cancelled, I lay down on the couch and was going, "I've got to buy a packet of cigarettes," and I hadn't smoked. And Jane got up and started making Anzac biscuits.


Gina Riley: She was there going, "They can't do this to us! What's happening? What's…" (Mimics electric beater)


Gina Riley: It was SO essentially Kath and Kim, you know?

Andrew Denton: Yeah.

Jane Turner: Activity, activity, activity! Warning, warning!

Gina Riley: And I was just there going, "I can't get up. I'm too depressed."

Andrew Denton: Well, let's take a look at Kath and Kim, your fabulous creations.

Jane Turner as Kath: Oh, Kim, Sharon! Look what I've done! I'm a fool! Look, I've fake-tanned the wrong arm!

Gina Riley as Kim: Oh, my God! Mum!

Kath: What am I going to do?!

Sharon: Maybe you could tan the other side, Mrs D.

Kath: Oh, no, Sharon! That's a dreadful waste of fake tan.

Kim: Hold on. Turn the top around.

Kath: Ohh! Yes! Thank you, Kim. You're a genius! You're not a pretty face, are you?


Andrew Denton: Very funny, very funny.

Gina Riley: We tackle the big issues.

Andrew Denton: You do tackle the big issues.

Gina Riley: We do.

Jane Turner: Well, that's what I mean — that's exactly my mother. "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" You know, this huge drama about something.

Andrew Denton: You say, actually, that in 'Kath and Kim' you talk about the big issues like dieting, uh…shopping and relationships. So let's go through that. What are you like to shop with?

Gina Riley: I hate shopping.

Andrew Denton: Yeah?

Gina Riley: Because I'm a size 14 and hardly anything fits me. It's exactly the same issues that Kim has. You know, people staring at you and going, "Get out of my shop. You're not groovy enough." That sort of…you know?

Andrew Denton: But it's fantastic you've done that with Kim because body size is such a thing.

Gina Riley: Oh, look, it's incredibly liberating 'cause when I decided to wear crop tops and things, and in that first episode where I sort of just let my gut hang out, that was…I can't tell you how liberating that was. 'Cause I'd done 'The Games' about a year before and we had the same woman who did the costumes, Kitty Stuckey, and I'd say, "Can't show my arms, you've got to cover me up," for that. And then I was going, "No, more, more. Shorter, shorter. Show my belly button." She's going, "Who are you?"

Andrew Denton: (Chuckles) When you did that Logies, when you first sort of featured 'Kath and Kim' before the series started and you were wearing the G-string arrangement, was that a seminal night for you, Gina Riley?

Gina Riley: (Laughs) I think it was — pointing at the 'Secret Life of Us' cast my bottom in all its glory.

Andrew Denton: I mean, that's a brave thing to do. You know, I only ever wear G-strings at parties to which I'm invited.


Gina Riley: Look, people often say…grab my arm and go "You're SO brave." But, you know, I don't think that's very brave at all. I think it's…probably because we never see it, you know, it's…it's kind of interesting, you know, but I don't think it's…

Jane Turner: We don't think it's us there — it's not us.

Gina Riley: If you get a laugh, it's not brave at all.

Jane Turner: It's Kath and Kim, it's not us. We're not being brave — Kath and Kim are being brave. I mean, we're hiding behind masks, so we'll do anything.

Andrew Denton: Dieting — 'cause you've known each other now for 20 or so years — what kind of diets have you girls tried? Because I'm forever astonished at the number on offer.

Jane Turner: Yeah. Well, I'm always on some new plan.

Andrew Denton: Yeah.

Jane Turner: I got the… What's it called? Um, Strap Fit Fat… the Strap Fitting Diet. No — the Fat Stripping Diet.

Andrew Denton: (Laughs)

Jane Turner: It's a good one!

Andrew Denton: How does that work?

Jane Turner: It's very good — you eat seven small meals a day.


Jane Turner: But a meal is, like, an apple. You know, that's an apple, you know, so they're not all like just an apple.

Andrew Denton: You just have to turn around and you have material for your show.

Gina Riley: When we were doing the first series I had those "Got to lose weight, got to lose weight," and had that home delivery one. And that's where the Celine Cuisine came from.

Andrew Denton: What about, I want to go into secret women's business, beauty treatments?

Jane Turner: We constantly discuss them. That's all we talk about.

Andrew Denton: Yeah, OK.

Jane Turner: (Laughs) We are so smart. No.

Andrew Denton: How extreme does it get? I mean, do you do the wrapping and the stripping and the hmmm, the heeee, the huhhh?

Jane Turner: We all go, "She's had work, she's had work, she's had work." "You're kidding?" "Yes, she has. Look. She looked different before the Oscars."

Andrew Denton: So, of course, now that, you know, you're reaching the mature-woman stage of your careers, would you ever have work? This is my 'Woman's Day' question for the interview.

Jane Turner: Never say never, Andrew. That's my final word.

Gina Riley: Absolutely not.

Andrew Denton: No?

Gina Riley: No. God, no.

Andrew Denton: Why not?

Jane Turner: I don't think you can say never.

Gina Riley: Never.

Jane Turner: I wouldn't do surgery. Anything that would involve going to hospital.

Andrew Denton: It's funny you should mention that because you were in hospital just a few months ago. You broke your ankle.

Jane Turner: I know. And it just was the most disgusting thing being in hospital.

Andrew Denton: Now, how did you break your ankle?

Jane Turner: I fell down the stairs.

Andrew Denton: How did you fall down the stairs?

Jane Turner: I was running down the stairs with my daughter. We were having a barney because she wouldn't put her socks on, couldn't find any good socks. Every pair of socks had little bobbles in the bottom. She said, "I can feel them. I can feel them." It's 'The Princess and the Pea'.

Andrew Denton: Oh, right. So you were running… How old's your daughter?

Jane Turner: She was six. She's seven now.

Andrew Denton: And you fell down the stairs…

Jane Turner: I was literally flying down the stairs. I just took off and I was sort of like this in mid-air and then went 'pccchhh'.

Andrew Denton: Like in cartoons.

Gina Riley: This was two days before we started preproduction, I might say. Everybody was ready to go.

Andrew Denton: And you seriously broke your ankle, didn't you? It wasn't just a light-hearted fracture.

Jane Turner: He said it was the worst injury he'd seen in 10 years.

Andrew Denton: Bone sticking out?

Jane Turner: Bone sticking out.


Gina Riley: (Laughs)

Jane Turner: I couldn't believe it. I know. I'd just fallen down the stairs. He sees motorcycle accidents and car accidents.

Andrew Denton: And your daughter must have freaked out.

Jane Turner: She was great. I just said, "Go to the neighbour. Get the neighbours." And she ran next door and said, "My mother's dying."


Jane Turner: And the neighbour was great. She rang the hospital…rang the ambulance. They all came and started doing 'Kath & Kim' jokes.

Andrew Denton: The ambulancemen?

Jane Turner: Yeah.

Andrew Denton: Really?

Jane Turner: I'm lying there going, "Arrrggghhh!"

Gina Riley: We have very bad luck with our preproduction.

Andrew Denton: Yeah?

Jane Turner: That's the second time.

Gina Riley: Well, the first time, two days before we were about to do preproduction, the show was cancelled. The second time, Jane got hepatitis. And the third time, she broke her leg. So actually, when I went out and I said to people, "We're postponing the show, Jane's broken her leg," everyone went, "Oh, Gina, you poor thing!"

Andrew Denton: (Laughs)

Jane Turner: Yeah.

Gina Riley: Absolutely no sympathy for Jane.

Jane Turner: Stupid old clumsy me!

Andrew Denton: 'Cause you are a bit clumsy, aren't you?

Jane Turner: Yes, Andrew. On the set we had…Glenn and I had clumsy competitions.

Andrew Denton: Oh, really?

Jane Turner: Yeah, 'cause I've discovered he's more clumsy than me and I'm so happy about it.

Andrew Denton: Uh, I do know, though, Jane — I hope I'm not talking out of school — that 'Kath & Kim' has caused some tensions in your marriage. I know that the kissing Glenn Robbins scenes…

Jane Turner: I didn't kiss anyone. Never kissed him.

Andrew Denton: Well, didn't your husband get upset that you were…kissing?

Jane Turner: No.

Andrew Denton: Is this not true?

Jane Turner: No.

Andrew Denton: 'Cause I believe that a scene had to be written into 'Kath & Kim'.

Jane Turner: Oh, that's true, yeah. I did. I had to write him in.

Andrew Denton: Yeah.

Jane Turner: And everyone who's seen that scene goes, "God, that's pretty raunchy." That's actually 'cause it's him in the taxi. He's the Russian taxidriver.

Gina Riley: Kath kisses a taxidriver and it's actually her husband with a stuck-on moustache.

Jane Turner: All the kisses I meant to do with Glenn…with Kel are just like this.


Jane Turner: 'Cause we're both so, like…

Gina Riley: You should see the way they do it. This build-up to the, "Eugh, I can't! Eugh!" You see their crotches are, like, that far apart.

Jane Turner: We were both so stiff and useless at it.

Andrew Denton: 'Cause you two — you and Glenn — have known each other for years and years and years and it must be a bit like brother and sister doing it.

Jane Turner: Yes, it is. It's so sort of… I mean, well, not exactly brother and sister.

Andrew Denton: No. Obviously that's…

Gina Riley: But it's different when you're doing comedy, really. There's no sort of…I mean, in any way, it doesn't feel like a romantic…

Jane Turner: No chance for romance or…

Andrew Denton: No?

Gina Riley: ..scene at all.

Andrew Denton: Oh, well, there goes the 'TV Week' headline.

Jane Turner: No, we're too embarrassed. We're too shy.

Andrew Denton: We actually have the kiss with your husband John. Decide for yourself if this is raunchy.



Jane Turner: John so doesn't look like that. That's so funny. He doesn't look…

Andrew Denton: He doesn't look like that with a moustache? What do your kids think of what you do?

Jane Turner: They love it. It's good.

Andrew Denton: Yeah?

Jane Turner: I've got a 14-year-old son and an 11-year-old, and all their friends at school — and they're all boys — just love the show. They think it's amazing. And when they found out who Rupert was, they're going, "Oh, we praise you, we praise you." I'm going, "Yeah." There's a bit of the… You've got to pull back, you know?

Andrew Denton: Getting back to the working relationship, are you the really organised one?

Jane Turner: No.

Andrew Denton: No?

Gina Riley: No, she's not at all! I'm much more organised!

Jane Turner: Well, I am organised, but in a disorganised way.

Gina Riley: We work at Jane's house, and we were all sort of grown-up after… "We've done a first series. We're going to have an office in the ABC." And they sort of set an office up. Never went in there. Can't go into the office.

Andrew Denton: So you went to Jane's house?

Jane Turner: We just schlep around Jane's house.

Andrew Denton: And what's a working day like? How long does it take…? I'm guessing it takes a little while to get down to the actual business…of work.

Gina Riley: No, you'd be wrong there.

Jane Turner: Pretty good these days.

Gina Riley: We're mothers. Mothers get right to it.

Andrew Denton: Oh, really?

Gina Riley: You bring a coffee there…you have a little bit of a muffin, or a banana, "How are you feeling?" "I don't know. A bit premenstrual."

Jane Turner: It all comes back to food.

Andrew Denton: Yes, and eventually into the pudding at the end. Arggh, arggh!

Gina Riley: No, because we have to do it in school hours, so we're…

Andrew Denton: Oh, so it's all got to be done within school hours?

Gina Riley: Yeah, pretty much.

Andrew Denton: OK. And who's the writer? Who writes it, and who wanders around…?

Jane Turner: We fight.

Gina Riley: Who types faster?

Jane Turner: I type faster, and she probably types more accurately.

Gina Riley: She who types has the real power. 'Cause you go, "I think it's like that." (Types in air) "Yes, anyway…" "No, I think it should be…" (Types in air) "Yes, anyway."

Jane Turner: If you don't like it, you just don't write it down.

Andrew Denton: So whoever's typing it basically writes the script. Uh, being women, and caring and sharing — and this applies to when you were working with Magda and Marg too on 'Big Girls Blouse' — do you make sure that everyone gets the laughs equally? Is it a totally shared…?

Gina Riley: (Laughs) Not in any way!

Jane Turner: Yeah.

Gina Riley: No, we do.

Andrew Denton: No, you don't.

Gina Riley: Well, it was funny — when we were writing Pru and Trude, which are the other characters that we play, and our script editor at the time said, "No, you cannot do that. You've got to give those characters to someone else." And we just couldn't!

Jane Turner: We love doing those!

Gina Riley: We LOVE doing them.

Andrew Denton: Just give us another impersonation.

Jane Turner: Hiiii. How are you?

Gina Riley: Hiiii. You're looking tired at the moment, Trude.

Jane Turner: Yeah, I knooow, I knooow.

Gina Riley: No, you're Pru. Sorry. Got your name wrong, anyway…

Jane Turner: Yes, I knooow.

Andrew Denton: We recognise that, don't we?


Andrew Denton: Where do they come from?

Jane Turner: Well, sort of…

Gina Riley: They're sort of Armidale…

Jane Turner: ..Toorak-y…

Gina Riley: ..Toorak, in Melbourne.

Andrew Denton: Yeah?

Gina Riley: They're old money. But they're just working 'cause they're getting a bit bored 'cause the kids are at kindergarten.

Jane Turner: No, we don't know if they're old money, 'cause your husband's a plastic surgeon. And mine's a psych — a psychiatrist. Both medicos.

Andrew Denton: Now, of course, that you have become so recognisable, how do you observe people the way you need to, to get material to write?

Gina Riley: That is quite difficult. And you often hear actors — very famous actors, much more famous than us — saying that too. That you…when you lose that sort of, you know…

Jane Turner: Contact. Because we now live in an ivory tower, and we can't go out. We've got bodyguards wherever we go.

Andrew Denton: Yes.

Gina Riley: We had a funny thing when we were filming…this time we were filming in a shopping centre, and everyone was saying, "Oh, people are gonna hassle you the whole time, so you've got to have security guards." We had to have security guards…

Jane Turner: It was so embarrassing.

Gina Riley: ..FROM the shopping centre. Well, there was one stage… Nobody came up to us at all. We were completely left alone. There was one stage when there were five security guards. Jane and I were just sitting at a table having a…you know, in Kath and Kim, the whole thing, and security guards all standing around us. No-one was near us, and people were just walking past — it was so sad.

Jane Turner: They actually had little phones, and they were going…

Gina Riley: No-one cares!

Andrew Denton: In the end you begged the security guards to hassle you just so you could feel like it was legitimate.

Jane Turner: It was sad.

Andrew Denton: Would you like to be serious actors at one point in your lives?

Gina Riley: We are!

Jane Turner: We think what we do is very serious.

Andrew Denton: Oh, no, no. Let me rephrase that. As in drama.

Jane Turner: Uh, probably wouldn't really want to.

Gina Riley: I used to. I don't think I'd do it anymore.

Jane Turner: I wouldn't… I tell you, I would love to be in… I want to be, like, in…when I'm a bit older, I'd like to be Maggie Smith. I'd like to have that sort of…nice period films in England, lovely big houses and… That'd be fun.

Andrew Denton: You've been in a film, though, haven't you, Jane?

Jane Turner: Oh, I've been in a few.

Gina Riley: Tell your film story!

Jane Turner: This is my funny film story from when…I think I twas the first feature film I did. Um, huge role — I think I had one day on the feature film. It was called… And it was acting opposite Nicole Kidman.

Andrew Denton: Oh, really? What was the film?

Jane Turner: It was called 'The Bit Part', and I was the bit part in 'The Bit Part'. And Nicole was…she was the star of the thing. She must have been about 17 or 16 — really young — and I didn't know who she was. I just thought… (Boggles) ..when I saw her. Like, she was really tall, and fantastic, and I was…

Gina Riley: And what did you play? Can you just say?

Jane Turner: Well, I had the one day, and I had a role…I was an actor in a play in the movie, and I had to play the role as Death. That was my character — Death.

Andrew Denton: Yes.

Jane Turner: And she got to play the character of Love in the play, and she got to wear a beautiful white diaphanous gown, and had her hair all glowing, and I had to wear a big silver penis.

Gina Riley: And there your careers were simply mapped out!

Jane Turner: And then, with a hole cut out there and my face painted green. So if I wasn't walking around in the silver penis, I was just walking around with a green face. And then what I had to do onstage is I had to come on and throw offal on the stage. And I was like the classic, you know, extra from hell to Nicole. You know, more front than Myers. Up to Nicole going, "Gee, you're tall, aren't you? Is that natural, or is that a perm?" She must have thought I was the most annoying extra ever.

Andrew Denton: Do you look at her when she wins an Oscar and think, you know, "If a few things had gone my way, how different our careers would have been"?

Gina Riley: If SHE'D been the penis!

Andrew Denton: That's right. Exactly.

Jane Turner: It wasn't fair. She was much taller. She would have been a much better penis than me. She was much more fitting for the role.

Andrew Denton: Yes, I wish I could agree with you on that, but thank you for sharing… So for this next series of 'Kath & Kim'…can you give us a sneak preview?

Gina Riley: We could, but we'd have to kill you all first.

Andrew Denton: They're expendable, and I promise I won't tell anyone.

Jane Turner: Let's just say there's gonna be a lot of eye candy in the show.

Gina Riley: Yes, that's us, of course.

Jane Turner: Yeah, a lot of eye candy.

Andrew Denton: Couple of hornbags.

Jane Turner: Couple of hornbags.

Gina Riley: Couple of hornbags, some foxy morons, and…

Andrew Denton: We'll be lookin' at youse. It's a great creation, and it's great to see the joy you get from it too. Gina, Jane — thanks very much.

Jane Turner: Oh, thanks.


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